“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6 NIV
My oldest son Jonathan has discovered the power of a good, deep conversation, and with it, his hunger for that kind of connection with the people around him who are willing to go there.
The other day, he hit me with a question: “One to ten how much of the natural responsibility you should bear, are you bearing? And one to ten how much of the external responsibility you’ve made a decision to bear, are you bearing?”
I started trying to answer, but also to explain why I struggled to come up with an answer that felt truthful and accurate. I always assume I’m doing terrible, or at best doing only some of what I could do. I always feel like there are responsibilities that I should get to but don’t, or could get to but choose not to, and so on.
He mentioned his growing realization that not everyone is eager to have deep conversations off the cuff and sent me the following:
I asked a coworker that and he was like “I don’t know man, you ask such thought provoking questions and it’s like I’m just about done at work and ready to go home.”
It’s hard to work through some of the challenging or meaningful questions, but it’s also a valuable process I can respect. I’m always excited to hear my children explain something in a way that shows how much they care about a subject. When that veers toward responsibility and self-discipline, and when it incorporates a practical “live it out” aspect of Christian faith, that’s a huge blessing.
So with that in mind, here’s something Jonathan sent me for what he’s been thinking through. I got his permission to share it.
Thoughts on grace and truth, and their relationship to responsibility.
What is grace?
What is truth?
What is responsibility?
How do grace and truth relate?
How does grace relate to responsibility?
How does truth relate to responsibility?
Why live in grace?
Why live in truth?
Why bear responsibility?
What is grace?
Grace is receiving something positive that is not deserved.
A person manifests grace to herself when she forgives a failure she’s had. A person manifests grace to others when, in a situation allowing harshness, he chooses to be gentle. A person manifests grace to others when she overlooks a wrongdoing or mistake out of love.
What is truth?
Truth is that which is in accordance with fact and reality.
A person manifests truth to himself when he does not deny his failures. A person manifests truth to others when she says her opinion, knowing they may disagree. A person manifests truth to others when he refuses to say something he knows to be inaccurate.
What is responsibility?
Responsibility is being accountable for or having an obligation to someone or something.
A person can have a responsibility to himself to take care of his physical needs. A person can have a responsibility to others that she has taken on. A person can be soundly blamed for neglecting a responsibility within his ability.
How do grace and truth relate?
The two are not similar, and are not opposite or opposed. They do not deal with the same realms in a sense.
Grace seems to be concerned with what a person deserves and the emotions they exhibit.
Truth seems to be concerned with what is, what isn’t, and the reality we inhabit.
And yet both are essential. This can be seen in the person and words of Christ. He was full of grace and truth. He who said “your sins are forgiven.” (walk in grace) also said “go and sin no more.” (walk in truth).
Grace without truth can allow one to be naive, not dealing with reality. With no truth and only grace, one has no backbone or accountability. It is easy to then embrace deception and fantasy.
Truth without grace can allow one to be cruel, not for any virtuous reason. With no grace and only truth, one has no heart or compassion. It is easy to then embrace condescension and spite.
Grace is the the flexibility and truth is the immovability.
To be gracious to someone is to show them kindness and support and forgiveness, to give no room for genuine accusations of being unbearably harsh.
To be truthful with someone is being honest when it’s hard or awkward, to give no room for one bend reality to suit their feelings or opinions.
How does grace relate to responsibility?
One cannot bear it all. He must let up sometimes. He must lay down his burden and rest without shame or judgment.
How does truth relate to responsibility?
One must must bear as much as she can. Her contribution is necessary, and without it she is leaving herself and others hanging.
Why live with grace?
I live with grace because I am not perfect. I am unable at present to experience faultlessness, and if I expect that I can, and so should, I will instead experience the disappointment and dissatisfaction of living without the truth that I need grace.
The absence of grace manifests condemnation and depression.
Why live with truth?
I live with truth because there is nothing apart from it. Apart from truth all is falsehood. If I attempt to live in falsehood, my feet fall into nothingness below me and my heart follows.
The absence of truth manifests disorientation and nihilism.
Why bear responsibility?
I bear responsibility because someone must. If I do not accept responsibility, I push it off to the next person, and maybe they will not accept it either. If I accept my own responsibility daily, I stand between my little slice of the world and the absolute hell that it can become when obligation is neglected. If I accept as many neglected responsibilities of others as I can tolerate, I stand between their slice of the world and hell.
The absence of attended responsibility manifests hell and acceptance of it on earth.
I loved his thoughts, because they ring true to me about the necessary balance and interplay between two seemingly opposing qualities or forces. So much of life seems that way, where we falter if we go to the extremes, but can walk carefully and purposefully when we keep ourselves centered between the potential conflicting emotions and motivations.
Finding the proper mix of grace and truth can be a struggle in our interactions with others (and maybe ourselves also). Not trying to do so leads to even worse outcomes.
So let me pull a Jon…
What do YOU think about all this? Is it on target, or off the mark in some way? Are there other aspects or characteristics of grace, truth, and responsibility to consider? How much of your natural and external responsibility are you bearing?