They say to channel your anger, don’t keep it inside,
just like a plane in the hangar, when it’s meant to fly,
but I think there’s a danger, I might be that guy
who acts all nice to the stranger and makes the ones I love cry
But hey I’ll deal with it later, apologize,
‘cuz that makes it all better, so I rationalize
My temperament is unstable, my excuses are lies,
my lack of discipline fatal, so opportunity dies
My hopes and dreams are pre-natal,
and they end up aborted;
my discernment and wisdom is vision distorted,
I can’t afford to reward it,
my sins and tormentors lord it
over issues unsorted,
all my pain transported
in the feelings I’ve hoarded
in these phrases I’ve worded
to call out all the failings
with hostility nailing
all the ill in me trailing
through the wake of debris
of my life that I’m trying not to see
never looking back
that works out well for me
never have regrets, I can’t tell—
are they just buried?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me
Who or what am I supposed to be?
Where’s the results that I wanna see, can’t achieve
Unless I change and gain maturity, it’s hurting me,
Here I am still struggling
It’s the same old stuff I’m fighting with
past 40, still a kid how I live
the attention I should give leaking out like water through a sieve
feeling drained because of this, how it is
purposefully purposeless,
watch it slip, like a dress,
I can’t cover all my mess
all the flaws I should address,
All the junk I should correct,
All the stuff inside collects
Until it’s piled high I guess, I confess,
It’s easier to focus less
Try to medicate the stress and not regress
But then I fail again, can’t get any rest
No reprieve, no relief from no good me,
I’m becoming my worst enemy,
I can see that who I am on the daily
Can easily defeat the man I say I wanna be
taking it on the chin from within,
it’s my own weakness that does me in
selfishness and lack of discipline
I let the bad wolf win and take him in
Pour a bowl full of kibbles out for him
For a bit, just to get me through today
While the good wolf starves and wastes away
Like a stray, like prey, he’s kept at bay
By the way that I stay inside and play
To escape all the things that call my name
All the needs and the deeds that I proclaim
Are my hopes and my dreams that I’ll one day claim
But my efforts and actions remain the same
Like the game is about the fear and doubt
And they’re winning every inning, every round, every bout,
Grinning as I’m sinning and they’re pinning me – I’m knocked out
Rocked back, blocked out, cock my fist and try to shout
but I’m not fighting back,
Once again, I’m way off track,
Like a rope with too much slack,
Slouching like a sack of burdens on my back
That’s the luggage that I pack,
Learning that I have a knack for leaning on the thing I lack
